Profound Foundations

While Easter is still about a month away (April 20th), it was roughly a year ago that I was wrapping up a position at a recognized education-tech company, as well as concluding my studies in a formation class at my church parish. Last year, Easter was on March 31 and it was at the evening vigil ceremony that I began a dramatic change in two important areas of my life: my religious journey and my professional journey. I’m approaching an anniversary here for both areas, and it is the kind of anniversary that I didn’t expect to be as emotional and powerful as it is becoming. I’m finding that the song in my heart and curiosity in my mind are relishing those days that led up to the vigil in such a deep and rich way. Words like awe, and wonder, and contemplation have something like a perpetual harmonious hum, echoing in my mind.  Honestly, it is really quite lovely.

Buuuuuuut, maybe for the sake of this story, we should move past the noises in my head, that only I can hear……………..

My Christian upbringing, some would say, was typical of the evangelical-protestant-patriotic-American-midwestern kind.  It had all the flavors of a relationship based God, with Charismatic overtones and a good portion of tongues, prophets, dancing, and loud singing.  Those who are of the gen-X demographic and who also experienced Psalty, Buddy Barrel, and Promise Keepers, well, you might have a decent first-hand understanding of my initial religious foundation. Perhaps you’d even recall the “Tooth-n-Nail” bands like MxPx, Starflyer59, Joy Electric, Pedro the Lion, Fold Zandura, Stavesacre ….*sigh*….I saw everyone of these bands in  concert…and I used to be sooooo cool…….

The other day, I was in a discussion about this very upbringing.  One thing that I added to that conversation and have made to sure include in conversations like this, is clarifying that I don’t reject my evangelical upbringing. To the possible surprise of some, it is quite the opposite; I embrace it for sincere reasons that I’ll explain in a moment. However, in hindsight, I recognize that my upbringing was a little different than most of the main stream Christian denominations, but I didn't know that at the time and I thought I had “it” right. I was definitely not raised in a liturgical environment, I did not know what a lectionary was, Jesus was a best friend, WWJD bracelets were worn and traded, and church was supposed to be fun.  What was wrong with that? Well, nothing was “exactly” wrong with that.  In fact, it is this very relational upbringing that carried me to the depth and mystery of the ancient church that I subscribed to one year ago.  This same upbringing that I lived in, and then made my own, is what begged me to answer several questions like: What was Christianity doing from 100AD to 1500AD? Who were some of the Christian thinkers during that time period that made major contributions to this faith? How did Christians actually “do church” up through the 3rd century, when the bible wasn’t “invented” (well, the proper term is “canonized”)? Why did the bible change in the 16th century after 1,200 years of being the same?

Looking over this past year, I’m grateful for the understanding and foundation of what I learned of the basic Christian “evangelical” faith.  During those late teen years and early adult years, I felt that I was chewing on a good understanding of this faith - and I was. However, I didn’t realize then how deep this ancient mysterious faith really went.  It was helpful for me to be introduced to some individuals that traveled a path similar to mine and wrote about their story in all its turmoil and beauty.  Dr. Scott Hahn and his wife Kimberly Hahn and also Mr. Steve Ray each offer meaningful insight and share emotional aspects about their interactions with family, friends, and the community that they serve. Reading about their lives and the decisions they’ve made, I can appreciate the challenge one must go through when they are faced with a path that is foreign to them, and then having to take small steps onto an unfamiliar road. I can appreciate it, because I have now done it. And it hurts, with the most wonderful joy. This kind of decision usually will come with costs; if there were not a cost, then I have to ask myself what is the point? If there is no risk, then how important or meaningful could it really be for my life? I’ve learned that things of significant importance, will have cost associated with them.

Now fast forward to the present moment, and you find me participating in the annual and sobering journey of lent.  I’ve heard it said that this is the time of walking arm-in-arm with Jesus, straight to his torturous death at Golgotha. Along this journey one can contemplate the person, deeds and life of this ancient Middle-Eastern man who impacted religions, cultures, history, our calendar, science, and countless other areas. It is during this lenten season that I am able consider his prayers and torments in the desert for 40 days, the rejections from his community in Nazareth, the moments he dined with seedy sinners, his devout attention to the poor and him never tiring of commanding his friends to give them something to eat. If you’ll allow my transparency; in these reflections I fight back very rich and deep emotions. Setting aside this kind of time toward the contemplation of this sort of Jesus, is like drinking a very different form of Christianity for me than what I knew previously. 

I suppose my being prepared by the evangelical circles over the previous 30-some years gave me a foundation of smiley moments that included a “Jesus-And-Me” thinking, and a “Buddy-Buddy” relationship with God.  Again, I don’t necessarily reject this thinking, because I needed to know this “personalized-Christ” that these circles have taught about.  If I didn't have these preparations, then the hurt and sorrow of becoming like this man who journeyed through the desert, devoted his attention to the poor, dining with seedy sinners and experiencing denials, accusations, and rejections by his friends…..well, it wouldn't be as real, rich or powerful  to me the way it is now.  In other words, this “personalized-relationship” concept is important because it binds me to the sweat induced work, tired emotions, painful hurts, tearful sorrows, deep-well joys and emotionally overwhelming blessings that come with a “personalized-Jesus”. This same thinking commands me to work in soup kitchens, build relationship with the seedy sinners, and devote attention to the poor, broken and disenfranchised…if my “best friend” does this, shouldn’t I?

So, there is a sense of sobriety that has come about in me. I am grateful for this ancient Catholic Church that welcomed me in, with all the joy and sorrow that Jesus endured, despite my early prejudices against it. The lessons shared with me by some wonderful evangelical people, who today might question “Why the heck did he become Catholic?” has lead me to the richest levels of understanding. To these wonderful people, I say with all sincerity; A deep and profound thank you for your prayers and guidance - always. And in return, I pray the blessing prayer that I have learned from you: “May God continue make himself real to you each and every day, in each in every way”.