How does one conclude a journey? And I don’t mean the kind that involves a getaway to somewhere warm either. Rather the kind of journey that was designed to experience rest, exploration, and discovery. I’ve been processing this for a while now, and I see several potential conclusions to my own sabbatical. However, I’m not terribly satisfied with any singular possibility. Instead, I’m thinking that it is supposed to be a collection of the possibilities working in unison...time will tell I suppose, if that is correct. As I process this I’m genuinely curious about the “how”. How does one conclude an adventure that started with a new path, interacting with my beautiful family, incredible religious mystery, geographical wonder, and wholesome involvement? Shouldn’t the conclusion evoke the same kind of wonder and excitement that the start did? Wouldn’t it make sense to watch everything fall into place so that a nice, clean, and smooth transition from a time of rest to a time of work occurs?
I know, I ask a lot of questions, but hey, I paid a lot of money for this adventure so I think I’m allowed. I wish could tell the reader that everything went swimmingly the entire time. However, that simply wasn’t the case - what real journey would be? I didn’t expect painful trials with a few friends and family members. I didn’t expect that some of the carefully and strategically planned steps I made would still land on someone else's foot. I didn’t see that however much I planned, anticipated, forecasted, and considered the journey ahead, that I would still be unable to avoid the unexpected. Alas, my fallible imperfections go on public display.
Granted, as I wrap things up, it’s easier now that I am on this side of the journey; hind sight really is 20/20. So I ask, what would a journey be without the unexpected? I wonder if it safe for me say that I’m grateful for those unexpected things....they have no doubt made an impact on my person. If there is one thing I learned, it is something that I keep saying to myself over and over: “everyone is on a journey...how tragic for those who don’t know it”. Thus, I’m learning how to embrace a journey, even when I’m not sure I understand it, or even if the journey arrived at a conclusion before I realized it I was on it. (This is somewhat a challenge for me, because I like things orderly, forecasted, planned and so forth according to proven metrics for use along the way - as if you couldn’t tell.)
Though I would hope the reader does not hear me as disappointed. There is a greater good happening in me and to me as a result of this sabbatical journey. I can’t help but be reminded of Frodo and his mission to destroy the Ring. As Frodo moved in closer and closer to his final destination, his physical and mental trials grew as if something really didn’t want him to successfully accomplish what he set out to do. Thankfully I have had none of the problems like meeting Shelob, or Nazgûl along the way, in fact my whole adventure has been absent of any real harm or safety concern. Perhaps my own Shelob and Nazgûl has been the unexpected, or miscommunication, perhaps even impatience. These characteristics can wreak havoc on my ambitious adventures, especially since I like things planned out so neatly while I take on more new things (and I really like taking on new things - just ask those closest to me).
I suppose I saw a conclusion that involved my future with some non-profit organization helping those who are disenfranchised, broken and in poverty. Or perhaps I saw it running my own business that brought conscious home solutions to the houses that people lived in. Maybe still I saw myself running through fields with a brown robe on singing “kum-bye-yah”, and dancing with all of creation.....well no, maybe not that one exactly, but I did honestly try to look at all the options. So, what I’ve found is that instead of just one conclusion for this effort, I’m seeing a series of transitions that make up the conclusion. In other words, there is a series of transitions that will impact various areas of my life - some areas more radical than others. Interestingly enough, other areas of my life will continue on this journey, just not the same way its been for the last 11 months. For example; my catholic conversion is continuing in waves of newness - even after almost a year.
The obvious change for me will be the actual employment part, because while it would be nice to live forever on our savings (without working), it just isn’t possible. As I shared, I was intending on being very open with my employment desires - thinking that maybe something radically different would come as a result of all this journeying. However, I simply couldn’t avoid the God-given talent that I’ve grown into; that is what I know and do so well. This “talent” as it were is building strategies or answers for institutions in need of direction. For some reason, I’m talented at helping organizations work through their problems by finding a “right-fitting solution”. In my short lived life, I’ve observed more company-invested resources in the finding of a right solution rather than the actual execution of a solution. Taking this thought internally and thinking self-critically: finding the “what I really need” is more difficult than actually “how the need is to be accomplished”. For me, and perhaps others, that “what” has been harder to articulate than the “how”. I suppose if I sat down to think about it, it would make sense, but right now I won’t - because my brain is hurting from all this talk of wordy transition. Alas, my talents will continue to support institutions attempting to solve real problems.
Thinking about other reasons why I couldn’t avoid the use of this “Tim-Talent”, I noticed how I was in a place of relying on personal brand, skill set, and experience to help conclude the journey from rest to work. Asking for advice from people much more brilliant than I enabled me to see things clearly - so long as I was open and honest with myself. Interestingly enough, this network was incredible, helpful and encouraging. Thank you Jim, Rick, Alice, Craig, Doug, Vic for your openness and insight. I’ve learned to have a healthy dose of patience and prayer through the discovery of “what” and it has been successful. And almost as if it were scripted, the “how” just slid into place. The network and bridges and connections worked flawlessly to help with my move back into the work life. Furthermore, there is an organization that really wants me on board - and I want to be part of what they are doing.
While heading into the world of the working is possibly the most obvious change (well, maybe that and the new haircut), it’s all the other changes that I’m actually thinking about. How will I take this 11-month journeying experience with me? Will I revert back to whatever I was before hand? Is this more of a joyous birth? Perhaps a saddening death? Or maybe it is a “joyous death” into something new - another beautiful life change coming out of something that comes to an end? Alas, “conclusion” seems to be the right word here, but I’m afraid the specific definition eludes me. The truth is, I’ve changed. I am very different than I was one year ago: I’ve converted to the Ancient Christian [Catholic] faith. I’ve changed careers from one, to none, to another. I’ve had literal, emotional, and spiritual mountaintop moments. And, I’ve changed the daily life patterns in my home. Not too long ago, my priest gave me the best advice relating to these changes: “Tim, you may be taking a bigger bite of spiritual cake than you can manage”. After a hearty laugh from both of us, I realize that I’ve changed so much in just one years time, that I now need to change how I change. And, I can start that by (of all things) slowing down from the sabbatical.
So conclusions, changes, new directions, and new home experiences.....is it safe to say that getting back into the work mode might be the “break from rest” (or the “what”) that is needed here? Lets play this out....maybe the next 12 months looks like a “Second Strait, Part 2: The Life Changes That Spilled Into Life”.
For those who have prayed for me, watched my journey, experienced it with me, and waited for more updates, I’m very grateful. I had never known or expected how many folks were wanting to know more. I hope to continue the publications on some frequency. Your continued prayers and thoughts are always welcome. God bless you and may He make the journey you are on become more real and unexpected - in ways that make your soul sing back to Him.
Stay tuned......
