The Lesson From a Nigerian Cab Driver

I think it is fair to say that I’ve done a decent share of travel in my life.  While most of it is usually for business, I do try to make the most of the travel by visiting places that are unique or interesting, and absorbing stories from local folks.

Truth be told, I actually like business travel.  I like it even more when it’s less business and more exploring and, of course, properly balanced with my life at home. On a recent trip to Denver, the travel excitement began with an interesting and reflective story for me, before I even left Detroit. Right around 6:45am on a Monday I got into a cab headed to the airport that was driven by a tall, dark man with a thick accent and a beard. After getting situated in the car, pulling up my flight details on my phone, and checking over a few emails, I ask him what I ask most cab drivers who pick me up from home: “are you originally from Detroit”? After the standard chuckled response, I always enjoy what comes next - because it is a surprise every time.  

This man was from Nigeria and has lived in Detroit now for 25 years. He came to this country to achieve a dream for himself. He went to the University of Michigan to  earn a degree, married a woman he fell in love with, and started a family.  He says “…there is nothing better than this…it is comfortable and nice for me…”. He went on to share how he returns to Nigeria about 2-3 times each year to visit siblings, parents and family who are still living there, and he tells me how he takes time to mentor young boys and young men each time he goes back. He continued sharing by explaining that he is planning to return to Nigeria for good with his wife, children, knowledge and comparative wealth so that he can be more of an influence on the the young people in the town he grew up in.  Listening to him share this part of his story in his deep and firm tone, it sounded to me as if his very soul was establishing this commitment. It appeared to be something very deep in his life and more profound than what I might call a normal life-change than each of us experience at various points in our lives with job changes, or new children being born. 

When I hear this sort of caring response to humanity, it captures my complete attention. I dive straight in and want to know more.  So,  I have to ask what seems logical to me in a very politically correct way: “is this like a religious conviction of yours?” And, here is where things became exciting.  My Nigerian friend said very loudly “NO! Absolutely NOT! Religion is the WORST thing in the world and the cause of WAR EVERYWHERE!” He explained how he was raised Muslim and right around the time he came to the United States he converted to a Pentecostal form of Christianity. That conversion alone seems quite radical to me - clearly this guy is searching for some answers!  However, he says that he has rejected that conversion, and all forms of religion because he feels they only teach hate by saying their message is the right way to God.  He began harping on the Pentecostal pastors he met both here in the USA and in Nigeria by saying they ask for money and claim to give the people some spiritual power and authority over “everything” in their life, yet the people live in filth while the pastors live in big homes and fly private jets. It appears my question touched off a very sensitive nerve here, and his passionate tirade went on for a good while.  Oddly (and somewhat surprising to me) though, my Catholic religious convictions came up and he quieted down, saying that the Catholics were the only religious people he would ever respect. This puzzled me… Wether he shared this because I was his paying customer or not, I guess I’ll never know, but he offered some context for that quieted & respectful response.  He says “The catholics built the school in his home town, the catholics built the hospital in his home town, and the catholics never fly private jets, and the catholics always give and never ask for anything in return”. The Nigerian man and I parted ways at the airport a little while later, but this conversation really stuck with me for a few days and I tried to see things from his perspective as best I could, while bing objective as well.

After thinking this through for a while, I began to see the power of perception.  Maybe my Nigerian friend did not hear of “Bishop Bling” who was released from his post in Germany because of glutinous overspending on his private mansion. Maybe he is unaware of the child-abuse cases that the church is reeling from. Or maybe he is unaware of the countless other mistakes that have been made (and have yet to be made) by the people within the Catholic church. Or, maybe he is aware of these things, but because these mistakes are not directly impacting his world, they didn’t have the weight to carry any passionate disgust. Instead, what he is actually seeing are life giving actions happening in his home town by Catholics: hospitals, schools, and a generally humble way of life.

Having spent considerable time raised in various Pentecostal traditions myself, I can appreciate the concern he has to the opulent appearance of money, power, authority and selfishness within this religious tradition. However, these problems aren’t limited to just Pentecostalism. However, it is easy to be critical with failed examples of popular televangelists like Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggert, Benny Hin but also with Catholic leaders like Franz-Peter Tebart-van Elst. IN these cases, living a life of Christian Humility, Sacrifice and Compassion appeared absent and actually ended in tragedy for some, thus making it easy for the audience to get very angry. When I read what Jesus constantly taught and then I learn about how he actually operated His life with humility, sacrifice and compassion, I can understand why the crowds came looking for something that was different than the traditional human message of Power, Authority and Self-Focus.

It seems to me that most [Christian] religions or traditions get a bad rap by folks primarily because it includes humans who have made terrible decisions. Then, things get worse because other humans start claiming that terrible mistake that was made now means that the entire religion or tradition is the “wrong one” to find God. Now I can’t speak to non-christian religions like Islam, Buddhism, or Hinduism because I’ve never really studied them.  But if I learn what true religion is from a Christian perspective, I see that it is supposed to include humility, sacrifice and compassion and keeping oneself pure or unstained from fault (James 1:26-27). 

Now, putting this thought under a more internal and reflective lens, I have to wonder: How do I avoid falling into the easy trap of criticizing these men and women who make an embarrassment out of the word “Christian”? How do I avoid criticizing 21st century men and women for their interpretation of Christianity, when it appears to point to comfort instead of sacrifice, power instead of compassion, or authority instead of humility (or how about “The Mall” instead of “The Soup Kitchen” or the private jet and new car instead of a borrowed donkey)? Perhaps these men and women claim some special understanding of a “Christian Power”, but truly it is the meek, merciful, and peacemakers who really have this so called “Christian Power” (Matthew 5:2-11).  Something powerful and healing must happen in me, in order to function out of a compassionate heart and remain unstained from fault. In fact, it must be a work of mercy and forgiveness happening in me to demonstrate genuine acts of compassion, humility and sacrifice toward those who do embarrass the “Christian Life”. Aren’t I just as hypocritical if I see a terrible flaw in someones teaching or beliefs and then separate myself from them, and hold merciless thoughts or angry reactions against them? This too is an embarrassment to Christianity.

Now, I’m not quite good enough to call myself an an armchair theologian and I certainly do not have any formal or academically sound diagnosis to share here, but what I think I am seeing is this: When the focus of Christianity is centered on comfort, power or authority it appears to be some kind of serious misunderstanding of Christianity - - like an illness or affliction. The results that I see coming from a teaching of power, authority and self focus are hardly life giving to the communal body we are part of. Really, this looks to me as the direct opposite of the teachings of Jesus. It’s almost like a sickness, of self focus.  So, if these traits are some form of sickness, then what shall I do? Well, then my heart must be moved to compassion and not to criticism. And, I should work to bring “peacemaker” medicine  to these sick folks, rather than an exercise of power or authority over them affliction (Matthew 14:14). 

Pondering this further, I consider three aspects that Christ never grew tired of demonstrating: Compassion, Humility, and Sacrifice to everyone he met. So, my next step is to explore examples of real people who have taken on a life of humility and compassion and

Bishop Oscar Romero

sacrifice in a more modern environment. How wonderful it is to find such heroes who won millions of hearts across all spectrums of religion, philosophy and practices - a lot like what Jesus did - with these three actions: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa of Calcutta, Corrie ten Boom, Fr. Solanus Casey, Oscar Romero or Cesar Chavez.  I wonder if their focus had instead been a belief that they had power, or authority over the issue at hand (even if they were still correct in their cause), would they have made as much of a profound impact on the social justice triumphs they are known for?

As I see it, if everyone made the mistake of being too compassionate, too humble, too sacrificial it would be a lot easier to forgive, than making the mistake of being too powerful, too authoritative, or too self focused.  Perhaps with this kind of better “mistake”, I just might see Christ as He may have wanted to be seen.  So, my take away from all this comes to a crux: In one moment I can choose a quick and easy way of commanding a situation with a human understanding of “Christian” power and authority.  Or, I can choose a memorable way of earning the hearts of people with the “Christian” power of Compassion, Sacrifice and Humility.  

Perhaps I’ll have a chance to meet my Nigerian friend again some day and feed him some  powerfully compassionate medicine.  In the mean time, I should find a way to live loudly with merciful actions of medicine to everyone else.

Profound Foundations

While Easter is still about a month away (April 20th), it was roughly a year ago that I was wrapping up a position at a recognized education-tech company, as well as concluding my studies in a formation class at my church parish. Last year, Easter was on March 31 and it was at the evening vigil ceremony that I began a dramatic change in two important areas of my life: my religious journey and my professional journey. I’m approaching an anniversary here for both areas, and it is the kind of anniversary that I didn’t expect to be as emotional and powerful as it is becoming. I’m finding that the song in my heart and curiosity in my mind are relishing those days that led up to the vigil in such a deep and rich way. Words like awe, and wonder, and contemplation have something like a perpetual harmonious hum, echoing in my mind.  Honestly, it is really quite lovely.

Buuuuuuut, maybe for the sake of this story, we should move past the noises in my head, that only I can hear……………..

My Christian upbringing, some would say, was typical of the evangelical-protestant-patriotic-American-midwestern kind.  It had all the flavors of a relationship based God, with Charismatic overtones and a good portion of tongues, prophets, dancing, and loud singing.  Those who are of the gen-X demographic and who also experienced Psalty, Buddy Barrel, and Promise Keepers, well, you might have a decent first-hand understanding of my initial religious foundation. Perhaps you’d even recall the “Tooth-n-Nail” bands like MxPx, Starflyer59, Joy Electric, Pedro the Lion, Fold Zandura, Stavesacre ….*sigh*….I saw everyone of these bands in  concert…and I used to be sooooo cool…….

The other day, I was in a discussion about this very upbringing.  One thing that I added to that conversation and have made to sure include in conversations like this, is clarifying that I don’t reject my evangelical upbringing. To the possible surprise of some, it is quite the opposite; I embrace it for sincere reasons that I’ll explain in a moment. However, in hindsight, I recognize that my upbringing was a little different than most of the main stream Christian denominations, but I didn't know that at the time and I thought I had “it” right. I was definitely not raised in a liturgical environment, I did not know what a lectionary was, Jesus was a best friend, WWJD bracelets were worn and traded, and church was supposed to be fun.  What was wrong with that? Well, nothing was “exactly” wrong with that.  In fact, it is this very relational upbringing that carried me to the depth and mystery of the ancient church that I subscribed to one year ago.  This same upbringing that I lived in, and then made my own, is what begged me to answer several questions like: What was Christianity doing from 100AD to 1500AD? Who were some of the Christian thinkers during that time period that made major contributions to this faith? How did Christians actually “do church” up through the 3rd century, when the bible wasn’t “invented” (well, the proper term is “canonized”)? Why did the bible change in the 16th century after 1,200 years of being the same?

Looking over this past year, I’m grateful for the understanding and foundation of what I learned of the basic Christian “evangelical” faith.  During those late teen years and early adult years, I felt that I was chewing on a good understanding of this faith - and I was. However, I didn’t realize then how deep this ancient mysterious faith really went.  It was helpful for me to be introduced to some individuals that traveled a path similar to mine and wrote about their story in all its turmoil and beauty.  Dr. Scott Hahn and his wife Kimberly Hahn and also Mr. Steve Ray each offer meaningful insight and share emotional aspects about their interactions with family, friends, and the community that they serve. Reading about their lives and the decisions they’ve made, I can appreciate the challenge one must go through when they are faced with a path that is foreign to them, and then having to take small steps onto an unfamiliar road. I can appreciate it, because I have now done it. And it hurts, with the most wonderful joy. This kind of decision usually will come with costs; if there were not a cost, then I have to ask myself what is the point? If there is no risk, then how important or meaningful could it really be for my life? I’ve learned that things of significant importance, will have cost associated with them.

Now fast forward to the present moment, and you find me participating in the annual and sobering journey of lent.  I’ve heard it said that this is the time of walking arm-in-arm with Jesus, straight to his torturous death at Golgotha. Along this journey one can contemplate the person, deeds and life of this ancient Middle-Eastern man who impacted religions, cultures, history, our calendar, science, and countless other areas. It is during this lenten season that I am able consider his prayers and torments in the desert for 40 days, the rejections from his community in Nazareth, the moments he dined with seedy sinners, his devout attention to the poor and him never tiring of commanding his friends to give them something to eat. If you’ll allow my transparency; in these reflections I fight back very rich and deep emotions. Setting aside this kind of time toward the contemplation of this sort of Jesus, is like drinking a very different form of Christianity for me than what I knew previously. 

I suppose my being prepared by the evangelical circles over the previous 30-some years gave me a foundation of smiley moments that included a “Jesus-And-Me” thinking, and a “Buddy-Buddy” relationship with God.  Again, I don’t necessarily reject this thinking, because I needed to know this “personalized-Christ” that these circles have taught about.  If I didn't have these preparations, then the hurt and sorrow of becoming like this man who journeyed through the desert, devoted his attention to the poor, dining with seedy sinners and experiencing denials, accusations, and rejections by his friends…..well, it wouldn't be as real, rich or powerful  to me the way it is now.  In other words, this “personalized-relationship” concept is important because it binds me to the sweat induced work, tired emotions, painful hurts, tearful sorrows, deep-well joys and emotionally overwhelming blessings that come with a “personalized-Jesus”. This same thinking commands me to work in soup kitchens, build relationship with the seedy sinners, and devote attention to the poor, broken and disenfranchised…if my “best friend” does this, shouldn’t I?

So, there is a sense of sobriety that has come about in me. I am grateful for this ancient Catholic Church that welcomed me in, with all the joy and sorrow that Jesus endured, despite my early prejudices against it. The lessons shared with me by some wonderful evangelical people, who today might question “Why the heck did he become Catholic?” has lead me to the richest levels of understanding. To these wonderful people, I say with all sincerity; A deep and profound thank you for your prayers and guidance - always. And in return, I pray the blessing prayer that I have learned from you: “May God continue make himself real to you each and every day, in each in every way”.

"T.L.T.L.S.N.T.L.C" is not that Hard to Remember

It’s the first week back to the work life and I’ve already hit the ground running. While meeting my new team in NYC, I had the opportunity to engage with some very talented individuals who enjoy the work they do in the video asset management industry. I was particularly fond of the way these folks expressed their viewpoints for a meaningful use of technology in everyday experiences. One of the executive leaders in this organization shared his own uninhibited hopes of how this company will take on a thought-leadership role eventually becoming the industry standard by which video will be consumed. Having worked in highly “technolgized” environments before, I was familiar with the usual passion and strategies for the future.  However, after 11 months, this step away from the sabbatical and back into the work life seemed to give me a very different flavor - - it’s almost as if my work “palate” has been cleaned out, so room for new work flavors can spark some creativity.  What a way to begin a week of “back-to-work” life.

The role I take in my profession (and one of my own goals) is to find an alignment between my clients strategic objectives and the solutions my organization develops. This means lots of communication.  Usually, it isn't too hard of a process, since it is a fairly simple method of “Talk, Listen, Talk, Listen, Strategize, Negotiate, Talk, Listen, and Conclude”, or T.L.T.L.S.N.T.L.C. for short. Easy enough for anyone to remember.

Forgive the “rabbit-trail-visual” here: A tree slowly expands from the small seed it once was, growing its roots through the soil, breaking through final layers of the earth and then reaching into the heavens. In a similar way as this tree visual, this goofy “T.L.T.L.S.N.T.L.C.” process has grown in me over the last 14 years of my career. The funny thing is that I didn’t fully realize how this process has crept into so many different ideas of my life. These ideas (and by default that process) have impacted my personal space(s) of business, friendship, and spiritual life. Forgive me, I’m still processing all this, so the explanation may be a little harder to articulate right now……but I’ll try.

I’ve watched myself almost migrate into a place of really understanding that a some of my own views on the world around me are quite different than those that are held by people I greatly care about - in whatever community that is (family, church, professional, etc.). Some people could say that “Tim-is-just-slow” to realize that now. Sure, fine, maybe. But I get it now.

In my professional world, a certain client may have a need for something very specific and have a desire to find a solution. In some cases a client could be simply reacting to a surface problem and I have to figure out what is happening underneath that reaction.  Thus, my job is to understand their objective, and align a certain technology or platform to meet the business need.  Pretty simple really. Ah, but to do this effectively, I have to set aside so much of “me”, so that I don’t get in the way of their professional success. Another way of looking at it is this: my own experiences or feelings about a situation needs to be set aside so I do not prescribe or influence a business solution until I know all the components of the hidden need. But, here is the balance: my own experiences and training are what I draw on to eventually influence the prescription in a professional manner. The result is a sterile process removing much of my viewpoints and emotions, while learning the needs of the client and sharing a strategy-driven and data-driven business solution. Now, practice this for an entire career…and welcome to my compartmentalized mind.

Now, as I make my way through this sterile process, I seldom have the opportunity to share the personal views, ideas, and perspectives that might add color to who the real Tim Gelletly is - as it should be in most cases.  So, here is my recently uncovered dilemma: if after doing this for about 8-10 hours a day, for each work day, for more than 13 years or so……I identify what is a work conversation, and what is a personal conversation and never the two shall meet. Alas, here is the strange part: some kind of grafting has occurred over the years….some elements of the “T.L.T.L.S.N.T.L.C.” method has crept into my marriage, my friendships, my parish family…..and then some elements of the “colorful” Tim has crept into the work place. This “grafting” has likely been happening for some time and surprisingly a corporation still hires me, my beautiful wife still remains married to me, and my parish community still likes me! All this is evidence to me that I am still changing….expanding beyond the seed, sending roots through the soil, breaking through the earth surface, and reaching the heavens, and taking with me several experiences of that strenuous growth process along the way.

A frustrating part that I’m working through now, is the place of sharing views that others may disagree with at deeper levels than expected.  The “T.L.T.L.S.N.T.L.C.” Tim attempts to downplay my differing views, and build bridges with everyone, while the colorful Tim needs to share…no SHOUT!!….a perspective like why he has chickens in his yard, or why he became Catholic (or other views) to his friends and family who still may not agree with any of these decisions.  And then, even within the circles where I think I’ve found a welcome solace, I find that I’m ready to share some views that they may not be ready to accept. Maybe the real talent, then, is the timing on when (or if) to share at all.

Geeeze…..am I weird or what? Who thinks this way….let alone writes this stuff down! :)  Okay, so I’ve probably overused the “T.L.T.L.S.N.T.L.C.” phrase, but I hope some meaning for the reader came from that beautiful mess - even if was something to laugh at it.  

A personal take away for me, that my sabbatical helped create, is developing the ability to communicate my ideas and perspectives - especially when they are different, or not agreeable to the audience. This isn’t license to be stubborn or hard-headed at all, but I’ve learned that…well, I’m different…and I’m learning how to be different with the same people. Several of my views include the teachings of the Ancient Christian (Catholic) church and now almost a year later I still find myself struggling to connect with people that I deeply care about when this topic comes up.  So I remind myself that (if I can borrow the phrase) “I’ve come out of the [protestant and non-denominational] closet” and I am a confident Catholic. While I’m at it, I also enjoy expensive Scotch. I pray with St. Mary. I nearly cry every time I participate in the Eucharist celebration. I cuss when my van gets stuck in the snow. I like my Peterson Pipe. I want to emulate Pope Francis in everything I do (because everything he does is pointed back at Jesus). The Fifth Element is one of the best Sci-Fi films EVER. I seek and devour and attempt to emulate ancient Christian tradition.  And I really, really like 90’s grunge and classic rock music. So here are some “things” that I do, or enjoy. Good or bad. Right or wrong. I’m figuring it all out and I paid a lot of dues, on a lot of levels, to experience it.

I have always preferred and still prefer common ground in all my relationships, because it makes things in that relationship smooth. However, my hope is that when I start to share my perspectives (which could be radically different than “yours”), that the responses include attempts at finding commonalities in our both of our radically different experiences.

There is no doubt that I have some learning left to do on my own convictions and communicating them with out worry of the response. For example, the very aspect of taking a sabbatical was risky at this point in my life.  Burning through my savings seems unconventional - some might use the term reckless.  Was there guarantee of employment afterward? Nope.  Was their a safety net if it didn't play out right? Nope. Did I experience moments of complete reliance on Faith in God? Yup. Did I have mountain top experiences (literal and spiritual) that could have only occurred when I risked my dependance and my future? Yup.  Do I have added know-how when it comes time to take another calculate risk? Yup.  The take away from this, is in the results. So, will responsibly embrace this “graft”. Take calculated risks when its time to share that one controversial viewpoint. I will surround myself with hundreds of excellent advice givers and counselors. I will take another step of crazy at some point. After all, it is only crazy if it doesn’t work….right?